Since very young I’ve written in a journal. I have all of them from since I was 18. Sadly the box with all of my journals from the age of 17 and younger was stolen from my Dad’s garage. It’s been fantastic over the years to read back over what I’ve written 5, 10, 20 years ago! Looking back, things that seemed so complex, confusing and overwhelming really just weren’t! But you only learn those things through experience. Experience is what gives us the perspective. And boy do we gain perspective the older we get!
The past few years held a lot of personal challenges involving some of the closest people in my life. Life is funny that way. No matter where you go, or how far your path takes you from where you started, life still happens for the simple reason that you’re alive! It took time and determination to mentally and emotionally work out the best solution to my situation. Let’s just say, it was not an easy time.
But ultimately, I decided that there are so many things in life that we don’t have control of. But what we do have control over is how much time we devote to the things that don’t work. How much do we allow their negativity to invade the personal space of our souls, thoughts and steal our happiness. I think most of us are very lucky because if we really analyze things, we’re never truly stuck anywhere. Every change, every new opportunity really is just a decision away. After we do arrive at a decision, the rest will slowly be planned or fall into place. Letting things go or changing direction is a huge step, and a very empowering one once you realize the never-ending opportunities that choice provides us.
One of the things that’s helped me to get through this past obstacle phase is journaling. Writing honestly and emotionally, and then months and years later going back, re-reading what was written and realizing that there was no way things were going to change. Every page was going to be the same, because everything was the same! You can’t expect change without making any changes. So instead of writing about the problem, I started to write to my future self. The one that I knew was going to work this out. The one that was going to need someone to coach her into a better space. I wrote to confirm to myself that I was making the right steps (“you can do this” – “just do it”)! There’s something huge about reading your own thoughts and using your own voice to guide your way. It’s hard to argue with what you’ve written to your future self.
Struggling to make a change, I chatted with one of my closest friends who herself had gone through the same challenge years before me. I told her “It’s nuts to read back over my writing this past few years, it feels like someone that’s not even any longer me. There’s so much sadness.” Her reply was golden:
“It’s time to get a new journal.”
A truth so simple, yet so profound.
She was totally right, stop writing in the same book. That book needs to have “THE END” written after the last entry and have it shelved away with the other closed chapters.
And so, things did change. My life entered its next chapter. I worked it out. I surpassed the doubt. And slowly I’m getting that amazing “what’s next” feeling that I felt when I decided to move to Costa Rica. New beginnings. And you know what? It’s really nice to be on the other side of things. I feel my inspiration for writing coming back. Writing about things other than a stressor!
I’ve been looking for a new journal that I like. I don’t want to write in the old one anymore. I want to not think about old stuff every time I pick up my journal to write. I want to start a whole new one and see what I’ll write and look back on in 5, 10 20 years.
On my trip to Colombia last month I came across this tropical colored blank canvas and thought “Yup, this is the one.”
Here’s to starting new, wonderful chapters both metaphorically and in reality!
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.